Experienced henchmen wanted for up-and-coming supervillain. Starting rate above minimum wage, with benefits package including uniform, company vehicle of my own unique design, and room and board in my Fortress of Despair. Ideal candidates will have good martial-arts skills and a strong desire to change the world, though not necessarily for the better. Bachelor’s degree or equivalent fake credentials required. Get in on the ground floor of the next big thing, and you might find yourself Viceroy of New Brunswick someday. Apply in person, and no green clothing, as the Fortress of Despair is currently in the conceptual stage only and consists of a green-screen backdrop with a matte painting added in post-production. Dr. Calamity, Fortress of Despair, Pleasant Unity, Penna.


  1. Someone has recently put up a bunch of posters in my neighborhood with a pic of a hamster and the text “LOST HAMSTER: Last seen escaping my lab wearing a human mech suit of my own design. Trust no one, anyone could be a hamster. Contact Dr. Animus at…” and the rest of the posters are all ripped off at the bottom. Might this be a friend of yours, or perhaps a blood enemy?

  2. tom says:

    Applicant would be pretty ferocious. But suppose applicant were lactose intolerant as well as human-intolerant. Keto diet in the Cafeteria of Despair would also be a plus.

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