WITH DEEPEST SYMPATHY.

Hermes 3000

Transcribed below.

With deepest sympathy on your incipient demise,
It seemed a fitting time to ask you, Have you thought how wise
It is to make arrangements now for your eternal peace?
Your good and sympathetic friends at Tru-Fit never cease
To think of your postmortem comfort. You deserve a rest.
The Tru-Fit Custom Casket Corp. can guarantee the best
In manufacturing, and in materials as well.
Our new composite Tru-Cast Plastic has no wood to swell,
No joints to come unjointed, and no metal parts to rust.
Inside and out, it’s quality that you can really trust!
Our operator’s standing by. Call now before you croak,
And schedule your free measurement for one of our bespoke
Authentic Tru-Fit Caskets. Then enjoy eternal rest
In peaceful confidence that you are resting in the best.

Comments

  1. Why are the Tab and Backspace keys on the opposite sides of their usual placement with relation to the main keyboard? Or perhaps the better question is, why didn’t that convention stick around? It kinda makes sense to have the button that shifts focus several spaces to the right be on the right, while the button that shifts back to the left be on the left.

    • Occasional Correspondent says:

      MTM makes an excellent point.  Some years ago I used a program in which I had to make a series of choices between right and left by pressing R for right and L for left — an initialism mnemonic, seems sensible, eh?  Regrettably, on the qwerty keyboard, the L-for-left key is on the RIGHT side of the keyboard and the R-for-right key on the LEFT side.  This used to bring me to a state of paralysis.  I would have to THINK about which choice I wanted to make, then which key to press to get that.  It was a “right this time, press R for right PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE LEFTNESS OF THAT HAND” state of mind.  I finally settled on, after each keypress, putting both hands in my lap, pondering the next choice, then using one hand only to press L or R, greatly retarding my getting through the exercise, but reducing errors to a minimum. 

      From that time I’ve had a twitch but I can’t tell you whether it’s on my right or left side.

  2. Mary says:

    This fits delightfully to the tune of “the yodelling vetranarian of the Alps”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *