On the forehead. Your cousin Albert thinks less of you than you realize. Perhaps you ought to send him a big box of those expensive gift pears that come wrapped in foil, so he can see that you have enough money to buy expensive gift pears that come wrapped in foil.

On the left temple. The police are quite mistaken about you and will realize it eventually. On the right temple: the police are quite mistaken about you, and they will never realize it.

On the lip. The price of coconut fiber is about to go down precipitously, and about three days from now would be a good time to stock up for all those hobbies you have that involve coconut fiber. Pay no attention to the reason for the drop in price, as it would only depress you.

Under the chin. Avoid blue or blue-grey automobiles of any sort today.

On the neck. Red roses might improve your relationship with whatsername. Make sure to get them before Tuesday, for reasons that will otherwise become obvious on Wednesday.

On the shoulders. The letter from the IRS is probably only an advertisement for something you don’t want, so go ahead and recycle it.