Participants wanted for study of the effect of death upon online shopping habits. Participants who complete the study will receive a $50 Amazon gift card. Reply no. 487229.

All world knowledge compressed into one four-page leaflet. Secret process makes it possible. Absolutely free; bank info required to prove your sincerity. Includes complete treatise on avoiding classified-ad scams. Reply no. 487230.

Wanted—old laundry to fill projected world’s largest laundry hamper. Help Grant Borough establish its reputation as the Laundry Capital of the World. Reply no. 487231.

Send me $20.00 and see what it gets you. Reply no. 487232.

Learn to be an invalid! We teach you the skill you need to take your position in the fastest-growing population segment in America. Reply no. 487233.