WELCOME BACK TO Herb’s Cooking for One. I’m Al, filling in for Herb, who’s got some sort of botulism or trichinosis thing going on, but he’ll be just fine in a few days.

So anyway, we’re all about cooking things guys like to eat, right? And so what we’re going to cook tonight is one of my favorites, and I know it’s a favorite with a lot of guys out there. It’s called Scrambled Eggs, and it’s not too hard to make once you get some practice.

So don’t be afraid to try along with me. Hey, we’re here to have fun, right?

Now the first thing you need is some eggs. And it’s really helpful if you know where eggs come from. I was looking all over for them in the Foodland yesterday, and finally I had to ask. So this assistant manager guy, who looks like he’s about fourteen, tells me they’re over in the dairy case, with the milk and the cheese. Well, that’s just ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not like cows lay eggs. Eggs come from chickens last time I checked, pal. (That’s what I told him. Smartmouth little dribble-nosed punk.) They should be with the meat, next to the chicken breasts and the buffalo wings. By the way, buffalo wings come from chickens, not buffalo. That’s another thing I learned yesterday.

So here we have some eggs, which come from the dairy case for some stupid reason, and what I’m going to do is I’m going to crack them and put the insides in this bowl. You can crack them however you like, but I like to give them a good sharp rap on the edge of the counter like this. Now, you see, that one ended up on the floor. Sometimes they end up on the floor. That’s okay, that’s why you have a dog. We’ll try again. There. Now we dump the goop into this bowl, and a little bit of shell got in there, but that’s okay, you can pick it out. Actually, it’s usually easier to pick out the shells after it’s cooked, because then you don’t have to stick your fingers in that goop. Now I’m going to do the same thing two more times, so we have three eggs in there. Two, three.

Okay, so now we’ve got the eggs in the bowl, and it’s time to scramble them, because that’s why this is called Scrambled Eggs. Now, some people have an electric mixer for this. I don’t, but I do have this power drill with a 32-millimeter flat wood bit, and that’s just as good. So I just put the drill in the bowl and [—inaudible—] guess that’s why most people don’t use drills. But I can fix that counter later with some spackle or something. Anyway, we can rescue most of the eggs by just brushing them off the counter into this other bowl. It’s always a good idea to have another bowl in case something happens to your first one. I found that out a long time ago.

So now what we need is a frying pan. I got this one at the dollar store, and it looks just fine to me. You don’t need fancy equipment to be a gourmet cook, although maybe you should have an electric mixer. As you can see, I’ve had this over the stove for a while now, and we just pour the eggs from the bowl into here. Whoa! Look at them sizzle! that’s what I call cooking!

So we can just let them go at it for a while, but it doesn’t take very long. Just watch. Are you watching? See, what you want to look for is you want the goop to stop being goopy. As soon as the top stuff isn’t goopy anymore, it’s done. Just got to wait a minute. A little more. Just a little more. And there! You see! It’s not goopy anymore. So now what you do is take it off the stove OH JEEZ LOUISE well I guess I should have said to use a towel or something. A little vitamin E will fix that right up. Anyway, so I get a towel and wrap it around my hand, and I take the pan off the stove. Now I’ve set out a plate here on the counter, and what I’m going to do is scrape the eggs out of the pan onto the plate like this. What you want to do is make sure the yellow stuff on top separates neatly from the black stuff on the bottom, which is the part you don’t want to eat. Then you can throw away the pan, because it’s no good anymore, which is why I always buy my pans at the dollar store. Now, doesn’t that look nice? I like my eggs with a little salt. Right now I’m out of salt, but I’ve got some baking soda here, and that’s sodium too, so I’ll just sprinkle a teaspoon or so on. And enjoy!

Well, that’s all we have time for. I’m Al for Herb’s Cooking for One, saying what Herb always says, which is “Remember, cooking is for guys, too.” Herb will be back with you next week if he’s lucky. Meanwhile, keep cooking, guys! Good night.