Posts by Dr. Boli

DOWN THE DRAIN,

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By Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle.

I watch the water spiral down the drain.
It is a metaphor for things unseen,
A visible potato that engulfs
The counterclockwise rarity of leeks;
It speaks of soft alpaca fleece with thorns,
Of tapioca gravel in the alley.
Its music soothes my fevered favored flavored lavered labored wayward leeward lowered brain.
The curve receding infinitely marks
The infinite abysses of the heart,
And far below, or far above perhaps,
I hear some distant Swiss guy yodeling.
Let hundreds of these blossoms bloom at once;
Let all the roaring bathtub drains unite
And make one universe-devouring swirl,
As long as I can have my jelly doughnut.

AN EARLY GLIMPSE OF OUR UTOPIAN FUTURE.

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The doorman found this advertisement left on the front door of the Boli mansion, and Dr. Boli has preserved it as an early look at the future. In the golden days to come, when artificial intelligence rules the world, we will all have unique and rational names like this. The number of digits and single letter may also indicate how many of us our robot masters intend to keep alive: about 26,000,000, quite enough for a genetically diverse breeding population.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.

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On this day in 1892, the Allegheny Athletic Association paid Pudge Heffelfinger $500 to play in a football game, thus making professional football a Pittsburgh invention. Since the Allegheny Athletic Association was a group of sporting amateurs, this was technically cheating. According to the best research, however, cheating at sports was an earlier invention and cannot properly be credited to Pittsburgh.