Posts by Dr. Boli
OUR VALUED CORRESPONDENTS.
A Japanese correspondent shares his friend Bob the Woman’s taste in fashion and men.
I appreciate men including a wallet, if possible dark, dressed in a fit with when you use a long Wallet, second hand when simple truly a fairly short section. The idea is not only useful to contain the purse bucks and other banking institution cards. Wallet in a man like Bob the woman, the woman did Bob can put hair hung to his shoulders freedom to come and go, but less elegant flavor lost. I do not know but the little things even three thousand black hair department, though man is not no purse; tightness like Bob knew, others looked just style. Synthetic leather wallet to outsiders discovered only african american, obtained their own comprehensive break down of net worth in the dark.
Ah, young love! Dr. Boli remembers those romantic starlit nights of obtaining each other’s comprehensive breakdown of net worth in the dark. Those days are over, and have been for about two centuries, but he is delighted to see that some of those old pastimes never stale. It is true, however, that man is not no purse; we should all make a special effort to remember that.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
On this day in 1538, Pope Paul III excommunicated Henry VIII on a charge of impersonating a pope, which in those days was was an excommunicable offense. These days every crank with a byline in Crisis Magazine gets away with it.
Astute observers may note the source of the illustration for the story that Major Media ignore.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
On this day in 1773, the Sons of Liberty dumped a shipload of tea into Boston Harbor, making a resounding protest against “taxation without representation” that has become known as the Boston Tea Party. The name “tea party” has since been adopted by a movement protesting taxation with representation, which just goes to show you something or other, but Dr. Boli has no idea what.
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FREE MOTIVATIONAL POSTER.
Are you as weary of “Keep Calm” posters as every other intelligent being on the planet is? Then be sure to post this one ironically. Click on the image for a PDF version that may be printed on legal-size paper. (If you print it on paper of an illegal size, Dr. Boli does not want to hear about it.)
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ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
On this day in 627, the Roman Empire in the East finally broke the power of the Persian Empire after more than seven centuries of nearly constant conflict—the longest, and therefore most profitable, war in human history. It was the greatest triumph of the Roman Empire, and it lasted for about half an hour, after which the Caliphate obliterated Persia and reduced the Roman Empire to a state about the size of Delaware.
ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE.
The Robert J. Seckel-Pear Chorale has been widely acclaimed throughout the tri-boro area since its foundation in late October. In November, the Chorale had the privilege of performing before the mayor and borough council of Wilmerding until borough police escorted the singers out of the building, to the sound of enthusiastic applause. Since then, the Chorale has kept up a busy schedule performing alternately in front of the Dollar General in Turtle Creek and the Tri-Boro Paint & Hardware in East Pittsburgh, depending on whose security is more belligerent. The Chorale is especially noted for its performances of songs it heard on the oldies station yesterday. Current members of the Chorale are Mr. Robert J. Seckel-Pear (bass) and his dog Spigot (tenor).
A NUMBER OF PURPLE COWS.
By guest contributor Gellett Burgess.
—
THE PURPLE COW’S Projected Feast:
Reflections on a Mythic Beast,
Who’s quite Remarkable, at Least.
I never saw a Purple Cow;
I never hope to See One;
But I can Tell you, Anyhow,
I’d rather See than Be One.
THE PURPIL COWE: Perilla Says she Wrote it.
The Last Four lines are Mine, and So I Quote it.
A Mayde there was, semely and meke enow,
She sate a-milken of a purpil Cowe:
Rosy hire Cheke as in the Month of Maye,
And sikerly her merry Songe was gay
As of the Larke vprift, washen in Dewe;
Like Shene of Sterres, sperkled hire Eyen two.
Now came ther by that Way a hendy Knight
The Mayde espien in morwening Light.
A faire Person he was—of Corage trewe
With lusty Berd and Chekes of rody Hewe:
Dere Ladye (quod he) far and wide I’ve straied
Vncouthe Aventure in straunge Contrie made
Fro Berwicke unto Ware. Pardé I vowe
Erewhiles I never faw a purpil Cowe!
Fayn wold I knowe how Catel thus can be?
Tel me I pray you, of yore Courtesie!
The Mayde hire Milken stent—Goode Sir she saide,
The Master’s Mandement on vs ylaid
Decrees that in these yclept gilden Houres
Hys Kyne shall ete of nought but Vylet Floures!
CONFESSION: and a Portrait Too,
Upon a Background that I Rue.
Ah, yes, I wrote the “Purple Cow”—
I’m Sorry, now, I wrote it;
But I can tell you Anyhow
I’ll Kill you if you Quote it!
This essay and hundreds of pages of other amusements may be found in Dr. Boli’s Anthology of American Humor, now available in splendid paperback or as a free PDF download. Look at the PDF, and if you think this book is exactly what you need to distribute to the poor children of Friesland, buy the paperback book.