Posts by Dr. Boli
TONIGHT ON DUMONT.
Miss Rutherford Mysteries. Tonight: “By Hook or By Crook.” Miss Rutherford attempts to solve the mystery of the missing crochet hook, which she is positive she left around here somewhere. Starring Dame Wilhelmina Frimp as Miss Rutherford, with guest star Anthony Quagga seen in flashbacks as the crochet hook. Check local listings for time and station.
ASK DR. BOLI.
Dear Dr. Boli: Why “The Star-Spangled Banner”? Why not some simpler tune that doesn’t strain the vocal capabilities of a trained coloratura singer? —Sincerely, A Man Who Loves to Sing, but Not That Much.
Dear Sir: The melody to which Francis Scott Key’s lyrics were set was originally a drinking song called “To Anacreon in Heav’n,” and it is well known that, the higher the alcohol content in the blood, the greater is the perceived range of the voice. Thus by the small hours of the morning, frequenters of early American taverns believed themselves quite capable of doing justice to this song, whose original lyrics, according to earwitnesses’ letters and reports, ran thus:
To Anacreon in heav’n,
La la la la la laaa,
La la laaa la la laaa,
La la la la la la la.
As a drinking song it fulfills its purpose admirably, which is to make the singers thirsty so that they will order more drinks. Its adoption as our national anthem can be explained as a matter of timing. The year 1931 was near the end of Prohibition, an era during which, as every student of history knows, every American citizen spent every night of the week drinking cheap gin in a speakeasy. By 1931, America had been drinking for twelve years straight. It was the right song for the era.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
ON THIS DAY in 1931, President Herbert Hoover signed a bill into law making “The Star-Spangled Banner” the national anthem of the United States of America. The next year Hoover was defeated in a landslide by Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
ON THIS DAY in 1877, Rutherford B. Hayes bought the United States presidency from Samuel Tilden, the price being a few million African souls, who were sold back into slavery in a process known to Southern historians as “Redemption.”
From DR. BOLI’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY.
Philosophy (noun). Any elaborate method of justifying our prejudices.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
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FAMILY TRADITIONS MADE TO ORDER.
DOES YOUR FAMILY do the same boring old thing every year on St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, and so on through the calendar? This year, let our Event Consultants come up with an exciting new family tradition just for you! Then, if you like our service, we can come up with something completely different for you to do next year.
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A Tradition of Fine Traditions Since 1997
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
ON THIS DAY in 1870, the first subway line in New York opened to the public. It was a pneumatic line, and Mayor Hall was given the honor of blowing the first car into the station. During the relatively short life of the pneumatic line, local politicians were usually employed as blowers, on account of their superior capacity and experience in similar work.
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