Posts by Dr. Boli

THE FUNNIEST MAN YOU KNOW.

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A Vaudeville Patter.

The pit orchestra plays a lively melody, but the performer must recite everything in a dour monotone.

I’m the funniest man you know.
I’m a regular one-man show,
Cause I put ’em in stitches wherever I go.
I’m the funniest man you know.

(Music stops.)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause chickens are stupid, that’s why!

(Music resumes.)

I’m the funniest man in town.
Why, they simply can’t keep me down.
Say, at every swell party, I’m always the clown.
I’m the funniest man in town.

(Music stops.)

You know, my dog has no nose. How does he smell? I can’t figure it out!

(Music resumes.)

I’m the funniest man on earth.
I’ve been killin’ ’em dead since birth,
And my ma always said, for whatever it’s worth,
I’m the funniest man on earth.

(Music stops.)

What’s black and white and red all over? I’m askin’ cause it’s crawlin’ up my arm.

(Jazzy instrumental rideout chorus, during which the theater manager wrestles the performer off the stage.)

USER REVIEWS.

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★★★★★ I wish I could give it a million stars. I never used it, but I like making manufacturers of cheap ballpoint pens happy.

★☆☆☆☆ This pen writes absolute rubbish. I tried to write a Spenserian sonnet, and instead it came out with the Century III Chevrolet jingle.

★★★★★ This pen literally saved my life. I literally couldn’t live without it. My doctor plans to publish his technique in the New England Journal of Medicine, so I can’t say much right now, but you should definitely buy a dozen of these if your doctor says you need bypass surgery.

★☆☆☆☆ Yeah, I suppose it writes, but what does it do for the starving children of Eritrea? What, you’re going to write them a letter? Give me a break. This company has no social conscience at all. I will revise my review if the company stops making ballpoint pens and solves the world hunger problem.

★★★☆☆ It’s probably a good one, but I couldn’t figure out how to turn it on. I could probably figure this out if I were smarter. I’m not really the techie type. Maybe they could give it an AI interface.