Mrs. Whittaker’s Platinum Elixir

Is the Only Sovereign Remedy for Gout, Constipation, Hives, Influenza, Lazy Eye, Ingrown Toenail, Acne, Post-Nasal Drip, Nervous Fidgeting, Sore Throat, Stammering, Falling Hair, Rising Hair, Pneumonia, Measles, Lice, Female Complaints, Warts, Attention Deficit Disorder, Sugars, Rickets, Poison Ivy, Athlete’s Foot, Arthritis, Marxism, Tennis Elbow, Osteoporosis, Shyness, the King’s Evil, Scarlet Fever, Mumps, Dyslexia, Malaria, Rubella, Scurvy, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Cancer, and Gangrene, and You Can’t Have It, Because Mrs. Whittaker Doesn’t Like You.