ARE YOU DEAD? You may be eligible to participate in a study being conducted by the Monongahela Valley Society for Psychical Research. Weekly seances are conducted at the Society’s offices on Eighth Avenue in Munhall above Ferd’s Pizza. Three raps on our round table will be considered an expression of interest. Please rap distinctly, so as to distinguish your communication from the ordinary commercial activities of Ferd. A small stipend will be paid to your estate on completion of the study. Monongahela Valley Society for Psychical Research, Munhall.


  1. Jeff says:

    I saw Jacob’s Ladder. How can I verify my current status, deathwise? I’m all freaked up.

  2. DJD says:

    I rapped on your damned table for 5 hours yesterday, with no response. I am currently possessing the body of a young circus highwire technician to express my displeasure with your customer service. In the future I will be taking my business to the seance center located above Locke’s Bagels and Whiskey by the docks.

  3. A. Arnhaldt Huck says:

    Honoured Sir,

    I am interested in your study group however, according to my attending physicians, I am only half dead. Before I begin to commence to proceed to start, could you assure that half my estate receives half of your intended stipend?

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