MISS UNA CORDA, the notoriously shy concert pianist, was seen sharing an intimate dinner at Lunardi’s with a gentleman admirer. Both wore paper bags over their heads.

Usually reliable sources tell us that novelist and poet Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle has checked himself into the Leon Roppolo Rehabilitation Institute, hoping to be cured of a crippling addiction to Windows Solitaire.

It appears that the rumors of Eddie Murphy’s starring in a remake of Cocteau’s Le Sang d’un poète were false.

Flash! Who was seen at the Lincoln Pharmacy soda counter this very afternoon sipping a tall malt behind a pair of dark glasses? None other than your own roving reporter, who always prefers his malts to wear dark glasses.

There was an awful row last night at the monthly Lemming Aid benefit concert. Miss Diana Smoulder stomped off the stage in a huff, taking her hurdy-gurdy with her, after the audience booed her. She had stopped in the middle of a number to lecture the audience on lemmings’ discrimination against voles. There were dozens of demands for refunds, and it is greatly feared that funds will be insufficient for this month’s placements of orphan lemmings.

Reports that the Great Blando had been sighted in Portland, Oregon, surfaced last week, along with a number of similar reports that he had been sighted in Portland, Maine, and one report of a sighting in Portland, New South Wales. International police have been alerted.