Dr. Orbin S. Thicke and the Rev. Bob-Bob Lee, fellows of the Institute for Noachian Studies, told a Dispatch reporter that the study is already in progress.
“We have established a methodology,” Dr. Thicke said. “A top-quality study will take some time, which is why we have given ourselves thirty-four years to complete it. There is no need for critics to weigh in before the study is even finished.”
“We knew we would face opposition from the satanic atheistic communistic Islamofascist spawn of hell,” added the Rev. Bob-Bob. “But a true scientist follows the facts wherever they lead him, as long as they do not lead him outside the pages of Genesis.”
Internet rumors that the study is a hoax may hurt funding, Dr. Thicke said, which could seriously jeopardize the outcome of the study.
“We are considering all our legal options,” said the Rev. Bob-Bob. “Our attorneys have advised us that it may be possible to sue the Internet for libel in Britain.”
Meanwhile, a spokesman for Answers in Hesiod, a classical pagan fundamentalist think tank, strongly condemned the projected study for failing to take into account the scientifically valid theory that Chaos, Gaia, and Eros arose spontaneously from nothing.