LETTER TO THE EDITOR.

Sir:

It is patently obvious to the most casual observer that our nation is not ready for the year 2010. Where are the orbiting space resorts and commercial interplanetary liners? Where are the extraterrestrial races with whom we ought to have established contact years ago, and with whom we should now be enjoying a flourishing trade? Where is the universal liberal democracy we were promised? Where is the end to hunger, poverty, and disease that was so confidently predicted?

There is no gentle way of putting this: we have fallen behind. Worse, we are in danger of becoming a nation of cynics because of it. We have a great deal of catching up to do if we are to restore the faith of the public in the year 2010.

I therefore urge your influential publication to put all its weight behind supporting the bill currently before the United States House of Representatives, commonly called the Catch-Up Act of 2009, which would postpone the beginning of the year 2010 until after December 3683, 2009, at which time a Special Committee would evaluate the nation’s preparedness and decide whether to extend the month of December for a further 3652 days. I also urge your editorial staff to refrain henceforth from facetiously referring to the bill as the “Catsup Act,” as we have had quite enough of that already from the opposition in Congress.

Sincerely,
[Name Withheld by Request],
Speaker of the House of Representatives,
Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Caren says:

    I want my flying car!

  2. I would like, first, to congratulate my fellow citizen in his belief that Congress has the ability to hold back time. However, I believe his solution to be nothing but a stop-gap — at best, futilely postponing our defeat; and at worst, extremely confusing.

    Lest my own suggestion seem arrogant, I will also point out that it has been documented successfully on previous occasions where knowledge was needed before it has been discovered. Visit your local library.

    Namely, I propose a motion be presented to Congress which states, very simply, that at the time of the discovery of these new technologies (one of which would inevitably be time-travel), that a group of scientists from the future travel back to December 31st, 2009, and teach us.

    With this solution, we preserve the commonly understood calendar system, but yet, at very little current cost to ourselves, create a 2010 filled with all the delights and comforts we have deserved for the past 20 years.

    Sincerely,
    Anemone Flynn

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