A LOOK BACK AT THE YEAR 2009.

THE END OF the old year is traditionally a time to look back on the accomplishments of the year that is passing, and far be it from Dr. Boli to flout tradition. Since there were no accomplishments worth mentioning outside the pages of this Magazine, we shall confine our survey to what Dr. Boli himself has published.

In January we brought our readers an exclusive look at the excavations of Tomb 13, the archaeological site that altogether changed our perception of the hitherto little-known Mon Valley Culture.

February brought us another entry in the popular series Dr. Boli’s Library of Lost Books, this one dealing with the inflammatory treatise “On the Insufficiency of Grace” by the Rev. Dr. Carolus Fraile, a Lutheran pastor of previously unquestioned orthodoxy.

In March we learned how to install a new faucet. March also brought us the story of “The Little Dutch Boy Who Saved Holland,” which has been one of this Magazine’s most popular articles ever since.

In April, by means of the half-tone facsimile process, we were able to bring our readers photographs of the performing cast of Edna-Lou: A Drama of the Hampton Roads, a verse drama by the prolific Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle.

In May, by special arrangement with St. Aquila Lutheran Church, we were able to reprint the May edition of Jots & Tittles, the parish newsletter, renowned for its lively coverage of parish events.

June saw our special investigative reporting team going deep under cover to find out what really happens when you dial 9-1-1. Our Library of Lost Books also gave us some notice of the Seven Books of Useful Improvements of Pasquino of Rome, of which all copies were regrettably burned by the Inquisition.

In July we delved deep into the mysteries of nature with the first installment of our Unexplained Phenomena.

The delightful and inspiring tale of “The Kitten Who Wanted to Be an Empress” brightened the month of August; and, for the sake of fitting balance, a second group of Less Familiar Rhymes of Mother Goose darkened it. We also learned about the latest research on Tyrannosaurus rex, which has considerably revised our impression of this much-misunderstood creature.

In September, we were in the unique position of being able to give our readers eyewitness reports from the Pittsburgh Summit of September 24 and September 25. To relive the events as they happened, start at the bottom of each page and work your way up.

October brought the important news that exposure to nonsense and surrealism improves the brain’s cognitive ability. There was much rejoicing among regular readers of this Magazine.

In November we asked ten probing questions about Opus Dei that no member of that notoriously secretive organization has so far dared to answer. Our regular correspondent Nergal-Sharezer the Rabmag also gave us some assistance in the interpretation of dreams.

Finally, in December, the announcement of a forthcoming study in the field of baraminology ignited a firestorm of controversy that spilled far beyond the pages of this Magazine to set the entire Internet ablaze.

What a year of glorious accomplishments! Will the year 2010 be able to rise once again to such heights? Well, of course it will. Dr. Boli is still firmly in control of his Magazine, and he isn’t going anywhere.