1. Jared says:

    I distinctly recall the Answers in Hesiod issue proclaiming that a few men on safari had discovered the carcass of an ape, though they were ultimately unable to recover it. The haunting, if slightly grainy, photograph, however, gave credence to all the other accounts that circulate from time to time: tribal legends of historically recent encounters with creatures matching the description of the gibbon, “legends” of knights defending the realm from raging orangutan, and multiple sightings of a living gorilla in the highlands of Mozambique, near Lago, Niassa.

    All of this adds up to only one thing: far from being extinct for millions of years, as the Darwinist would like you to think the ape is still with us, its numbers likely diminishing over the past two or three thousand years. While it is unlikely that any of Jesus’ disciples had pet monkeys, they could have!

  2. P. Dantic says:

    Wikipedia notes that “An ape is any member of the Hominoidea superfamily of primates, and includes humans.

    • drboli says:

      See Dr. Boli’s Allegorical Bestiary for more on the family connection between apes and (for example) James Buchanan:

    • Jared says:


      I sincerely hope that it is not your intent to fact check the inimitable Dr. Boli, who is clearly aware of the taxonomic status of the Hominoidea superfamily. If anything, the supposed “revelation” that humans are, in fact, apes, gives the lie to the John Scopes of the world, who attempted to poison young minds with the notion that human beings evolved from apes.

      How, I ask you, can we have evolved from apes if we are, indeed, still apes? You merely confirm the baraminological studies previously highlighted in the pages of this esteemed magazine, which proves conclusively that Mr. Huxley and his ilk, though perhaps apes, most certainly did not evolve from them.

      Such pedantry, moreover, wholly ignores the evidences I have sought to supply, including the sightings of “Niassi,” the nickname granted the still-living gorilla of Mozambique. I refer you, sir, to the famed Orthodontist’s Photo, the recent Watson video, and of course, the confessions of Arthur Dimmesdale, who recanted his prior claims that Niassi was a hoax or merely the wishful thinking of young earth cryptozoologists.

      I remind you, sir, that the same experts so-called who have ridiculed these many and varied reports of the continued existence of apes have, on frequent occasions, expressed skepticism about the existence of such self-evidently real creatures as Bigfoot, the chupacabra, “Alien Big Cats” (felines believed to have originated on the moon Europa), and Al Gore.

      You may wish to consult the latest installment from Answers in Hesiod, which debunks the idea of so-called transitional fossils using the very latest in advanced technology. Interested persons are instructed to write for a free copy of these findings, or, if possessed of a modem, to direct their terminal toward the project’s Gopher directory, or to telnet in directly.

      Yours sincerely, &c.

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