AT HIS AGE, Dr. Boli no longer finds it practical to make New Year’s resolutions for himself. Instead, he takes the opportunity presented by the celebration of the new year to suggest a number of resolutions for his readers to adopt.
1. You resolve to do something about that thing growing at the bottom of the refrigerator before it learns to use tools and discovers fire. Either get rid of it or domesticate it and assign it certain chores around the house.
2. You resolve to shun anyone who, in spite of repeated warnings, continues to use the phrase “not so much.”
3. You resolve to pay your gravity bill on time every month, since last October’s shutoff was embarrassing and inconvenient.
4. You resolve that you will finally get around to labeling your poison collection, and will find some place to store it other than the spice rack.
5. You resolve to vote whimsically this year, since last year’s careful weighing of the issues did you no good whatsoever.
6. You resolve to make a real effort to be more tolerant of Presbyterians, in spite of the obvious difficulties.
7. You resolve that, the next time you see the word “bandura,” you will immediately and without thinking follow the coded instructions to be found at drboli.com, confident that in doing so you will be making the world a better place.