Sir: I take exception to the frequent abuse of my name in your pages, both by your correspondents and by your commenters. My attorneys have advised me to inform you that they believe I have a reasonable cause of action for defamation, or slander, or trademark infringement (they promised to tell me which one after they finished looking them up in the dictionary). However, being in a generous mood on account of the gratifying success of my business, I am willing to let bygones be bygones if you will promise to be more careful with my name in the future.

Molly Coddle,
Coddle Rubber Playground Flooring Co., Inc.