Dear Dr. Boli: Last week my husband bought me a new shampoo whose label advertised that it was formulated with “energizing ginseng.” Now my hair is the life of the party, but the rest of me can’t keep up. I’ve switched to a chamomile-scented shampoo, but the ginseng doesn’t seem to be wearing off. How can I rein in my hair without hurting its delicate feelings, or causing split ends? I do not wish to damage a lifelong relationship. —Sincerely, the Hon. “Pickles” Worthington.

Dear Madam: It is regrettably necessary in such situations as the one you describe to be absolutely firm with one’s hair. Give it an inch and it will take an ell, especially if it is under the influence of dangerous herbal preparations. Have you tried immersing your follicles in a bucket of lukewarm water? Ten minutes should do the trick, one way or another.


  1. Caren says:

    How many minutes? I’d hate to immerse my follicles for an insufficient number of minutes.

    • Dr. Boli says:

      Dr. Boli had specifically written “ten minutes” in his excellent pre-Victorian hand, but his secretary somehow misread the word “ten” as “the.” The correction is now made, with much gratitude for bringing it to our attention.

  2. Dr. Bjorn Bjornson says:

    Ten minutes is specifically the time it takes to rid one’s self of gross follicular metaplasia, as described in medical texts as early as von Nostrand’s epic Homeotopoeia and Dr. G. Gary Fornoy’s Hair, Follicles and All. To shorten the immersion time, Jardin, Koonotz & Zill recommends a 1:10 solution of sea water and Red Poker Root in the November, 1954 edition of The Journal of Trellium Medicus, the official publication of The Estonia Medical Society.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *