OUR VALUED CORRESPONDENTS.

On the subject of opening windows for ventilation in offices, “Violet” writes:

Opening a window only works in specific climates, however. Here in south Texas, opening a window to get cooler would be throwing gasoline on a fire.

Clearly this is because the southern Texan is opening the wrong sort of window. To cool off, an office worker in Texas ought to open a window in Manitoba. The problem, of course, is that Manitoba is situated at some distance from Texas. Dr. Boli understands the difficulty, and has consulted with some of North America’s best engineers, who after several minutes of earnest discussion have proposed a solution to it.

 

Proposed route of the Brownsville & Hudson’s Bay Temperature-Exchange Conduit.

Let a conduit be built from Brownsville to York Factory on the shores of Hudson’s Bay. The conduit would be a sort of tube, about four yards in diameter, in which powerful turbines would be located at intervals of about ten per mile. During the hot months, these turbines would capture the cooling breezes of the Hudson’s Bay and direct them southward into Texas, where various outlets would be located in southern Texan office parks. In the winter, the turbines would reverse direction, and warm air from the sunnier climes of southern Texas would be directed toward Manitoba, making the shore of Hudson’s Bay an attractive place to live year-round, and doubtless fostering the growth of prosperous cities of the latest artistic design. Prodigious amounts of energy otherwise wasted in cooling Texans and heating Manitobans would be saved.

The only trifling detail to be worked out is the power source for the turbines themselves. Dr. Boli’s engineers are leaning toward the idea of opening a series of fitness clubs along the proposed route, where ordinary citizens would pay for the privilege of exercising on pedal-powered machinery that would be connected to the great turbines by a system of belts.

Comments

  1. Patrick says:

    Tubes, you say?

  2. Colin the Barbarian says:

    This particular map seems to have been made after the infamous Mexican-American War and the ‘nefarious’ political machinations of the Polk administration, but before Mr. Seward’s ill-advised purchase of the Russian Icebox. I was under the impression that the good Dr. Boli was boycotting anything relating to this period in U.S. history. Has he finally abandoned the outmoded principles of the Federalist Party and embraced Manifest Destiny? (This will necessarily include the goal of annexing Canada, the remainder of Mexico, and Nepal.)

  3. TXW says:

    No, it’s the Keystone pipeline. Do not open your windows or you will drown in oil.

  4. The greatest part of this innovation is that once these “tubes” are in place, we will know what “tubes” people are referring to when they admonish us that “everything is going down the tubes”.

  5. Clay Potts says:

    It occurred to me, twice a year it would be great fun to open the tubes up to a day of recreation; In January, from the south, snow deprived Texan children could take an amazing toboggan ride into the Manitoba snow slopes; in July, from the north, vitamin D deficient Manitobician children could make the longest slip & slide into a Texan size swimming pool! – still to be worked out is how to perfectly synchronize the turbine pedalers with the velocity of the sliding children to maximize crash avoidance.

  6. Violet says:

    I am satisfied.

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