The entire Tuesday issue of the Dispatch was incorrect. President Obama will not be appearing in the role of Isolde at the Week of Wagner Festival in Sewickley. Hurricanes are not caused by overuse of mechanical egg beaters. The population of Rankin has not doubled in the past eighteen minutes. Governor Corbett was not the star of a popular science-fiction program on the Dumont Network. Two and two do not make eighteen under certain limited circumstances. The Dispatch regrets the errors and promises to try to do better tomorrow.


  1. Clay Potts says:

    Dear Dispatch,

    Please find enclosed 500 “President Obama, Wild Irish Maid” T-Shirts. They are no longer of any use to me; You will note, they are 100% cotton; perhaps they would make excellent hand towels for the executive washroom to be used the next time the distinquished members of the Dispatch Editorial Board wash their hands of accurate news reporting!

    Signed, Disillusioned entrepranuer and news junky

  2. RepubAnon says:

    Two and two don’t make eighteen? That’s not what my accountant says.

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