A MESSAGE FROM BEN BERNANKE.

Dr. Boli recently received this kind note from the chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, who is a very busy man, but not so busy that he cannot take a moment to do a favor for an old friend—even, perhaps, an old friend he has never met.

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

CONTRACT FUNDS – CREDITED FROM THE FEDERAL RESERVE AND WORLD BANK AND IMF BOARD!

We received the instructional letter to credit $18.7 Million to your account or any means of payment of choice you want your Fund to be remitted to you .

Your response is required to urgently enable us get this funds to you without any further delay and you are also required to get back to us with the process how you choose to receive your fund , because we have two way your funds can get down to you(Diplomatic Delivery, And ATM Card ) also confirm your Full Information for us to know if what we have in file is correct and to avoid delivering your fund to wrong address.

CONGRATULATION ON YOUR CONTRACT FUND.

EMAIL : (suppressed to preserve Mr. Bernanke’s privacy)

Please be fast on this matter. Thanks and God bless you.

Regards,

BEN.S. BERNANKE
Chairman Federal Reserve Board New York.
(Telephone numbers suppressed)

Dr. Boli is pleased to hear from his old friend Mr. Bernanke (and he is sure he will recall when they met any moment now), but he does have one suggestion. Would it not be possible to hire, say, an advanced-placement English student from a local high school to tune up the punctuation and wording a bit? For someone who apparently controls not only the Federal Reserve but also the World Bank and the IMF Board, it should not be a ruinous investment. Nevertheless, if Mr. Bernanke finds himself temporarily short of cash, Dr. Boli would be willing to donate, say, a hundred thousand out of the 18.7 million dollars that are already making their way to him by Diplomatic Delivery. It is, perhaps, a small amount, but a motivated high-school student would probably consider the experience more valuable than the nominal remuneration.

Comments

  1. Sean says:

    So, this is how the stimulus is happening. Increasing the money supply by Diplomatic Deliveries to old friends of the Chairman. I suppose it’s not as much fun as the helicopter drops that the text books suggest, but more cost effective.

  2. John M says:

    I wonder whether they’re having trouble finding delivery people with sufficient diplomatic skills to provide this service.

    I should also note that our unemployment numbers would be far lower if only Mr. Bernanke’s office would hire some people trained to use spell-check and grammar-check software. I’m sure the folks at Haliburton would be happy to supply some proofreaders on a cost-plus, sole-source basis.

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