Don’t publish it till you’ve livened it up with some jokes.” —Thomas Aquinas, author of the Summa Theologica.

“Because I could not stop for death,
He kindly stopped for me,
And something something tumty tum,
I’ll fill the rest in later.” —Emily Dickinson, poet.

“I showed them, didn’t I?” —Richard M. Nixon, former president.

“Don’t forget to put the cat out. She has been on fire for some time now.” —Samuel Johnson, lexicographer.

“What, you didn’t like cake?” —Marie Antoinette, queen of France.

“I wonder why they call this a keystone.” —Magnus Schiff, founder, Schiff Demolition Services, Inc.

“I’d like a second opinion.” —Samuel Hahnemann, discoverer of homeopathy.

“I have a speech for this melancholy occasion that I have been preparing for more than forty years. It goes like this.” —Daniel Webster, senator.