What are the sticking points that have kept us from a budget agreement for so long?

1. Republicans wanted to destroy Obamacare and make sure only the rich could afford health services; Democrats wanted to use the government to make sure no one ever gets sick again.

2. Democrats saw that Republicans’ poll numbers were plummeting, which gave them a strong motive to keep the crisis going; Republicans had a strong motive to keep the crisis going until the Democrats’ poll numbers plummeted as well.

4. Democrats wanted to cut defense spending; Republicans believe that cutting defense spending is the sin against the Holy Spirit mentioned in Mark 3:29.

5. Democrats wanted to raise the debt ceiling with Gothic vaulting; Republicans wanted to patch it over with acoustical tile.

6. Republicans wanted pizza; Democrats wanted Chinese takeout.

7. The Green Party refused to compromise its principles, whatever they are.


  1. Captain DaFt says:

    You forgot the most important reason for the current ‘fiscal crisis’.

    As long as both parties can keep media attention focused on their shenanigans, The media is conveniently diverted away from the weekly revelations of the NSAs illegal excesses.

  2. Bridge Guy says:

    Captain DaFt, Dr. Boli most certainly did not forget that reason, but included it as #3, which the Democrats keep hiding and the Republicans haven’t missed.

  3. Clay Potts says:

    After weeks of searching for compromise, the House chef finally found the last jar late last evening pushed to the far back of the refrigerator shelf in the Congressional kitchen, buried out of sight behind plates of half-eaten pizza and several Chinese take-out cartons of leftover steamed rice.

    When pressed as to how he could have permitted the House to nearly run out of compromise, Speaker Boehner was forced to reluctantly admit that, unbeknownst to him, an amendment to defund compromise was buried deep in the prior bill to raise debt limits. Mr. Boehner states, “Although it generally takes about three months to repeal such a defunding amendment, his is confident he will have the votes to restore funding for compromise prior to the expiration of the debt-limit bill reached last evening.

  4. Clay Potts says:

    In other National News, President Obama warned Congressional leaders this morning that the United States’ National Truth Reserves are approaching near critical shortages, and they are presently at the lowest level of available truths since the period just prior to the War in Iraq.

    He further stated, that the U.S. has not produced any new truths in last 60 years and it has had to rely in recent years largely on imported surplus truths from Russia and China, where manufactured truths continue to be produced at annual levels well in excess of their individual rates of consumption.

    Addressing Congress’ earlier demands to reduce the demand on foreign manufactured truths, by increasing the exploration and mining of domestic truths, the President cited a group of leading scientists findings which indicate that several potential domestic off-shore sea bed locations thought to be rich in truth deposits proved to be fruitless, and that no new truths were found to be self-evident.

    To slow the rate of depletion of the National Truth Reserves, the President is proposing a Bill in Congress which will call for the immediate rollback in the nations federal, state and local courts of the amount of truth any one trial can consume, this to be accomplished largely by requiring witnesses to “swear to tell half-the-truth, and nothing but half-the-truth, so help them God”. According to the Congressional Budget Committee, this measure alone would save enough truth annually as to extend current levels of truth reserves at least until the start of the next Presidential Election Period. It also reports that this measure would not have any significant impact on the quality of Judicial Proceedings in the United States, maintaining that the Nations Justice System has been functioning just fine on diluted half-truths since its founding.

  5. Caren says:

    From a quick perusal of the news, it’s my understanding that the delay was due to congress being distracted by a tea party. It’s unclear which variety of tea was served and whether members of congress also enjoyed scones with clotted cream and cucumber sandwiches.

  6. Captain DaFt says:

    @Bridge Guy
    You are most likely correct.
    I had thought that Dr. Boli had simply deleted #2 ‘… profit’ since there was no profit in the affair.
    And that #3, being opportunistic, had promoted itself up the list to fill the vacancy.

  7. Bridge Guy says:

    @Captain DaFt
    Opportunism?? I..I just can’t imagine that happening…I thought they were all being altruistic, you know, working to solve the problem even though they weren’t getting paid…

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