ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.

On this day in 1844, it was discovered that the world seemed to be pretty much as it had been the day before, in spite of the intervening apocalypse. Several theories were produced to account for this disconcerting observation:

1. That the apocalypse had not happened yet, but was about to happen any day now.

2. That the apocalypse had indeed happened, but it had happened somewhere else, such as heaven or Fort Wayne.

3. That the apocalypse had happened on schedule, but only those who had reached a certain level of spiritual refinement could discern the difference.

Each of these theories gave birth to multiple sects, all of which still hate each other to this day.

Also on this day, in 1861, Abraham Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus; but it is expected to be reinstated any day now, as soon as the current emergency is over.