Dr. Boli would like to warn all his readers about rising danger to which they are particularly exposed by their interests and general level of education. He refers, of course, to the increasing level of Kant-related violence worldwide.

The subject actually came up in a recent Guardian article about a poetry-related murder in Russia, which in turn mentioned a recent Kant-related shooting as a similar case. (How poetry-related violence and Kant-related violence are supposed to be similar is anyone’s guess.)

An argument over the theories of 18th century philosopher Immanuel Kant ended in a man being shot in a grocery store in southern Russia.

RIA news agency quoted police in the city of Rostov-on-Don as saying a fight broke out between two men as they argued over Kant, the German author of “Critique of Pure Reason”, without giving details of their debate.

There would be no need for a warning if this were an isolated incident, but (alas!) it is not. As far back as the days of Admiral Hornswoggle, similar Kant-related violence was all too common.

No town ever more deserved the epithet “lawless.” Only the day before we arrived, a man had shot his own brother merely for taking the wrong side in a discussion of Kant’s transcendental unity of apperception. Yet not only did the shooter remain at large, but indeed he shot several more people at his brother’s funeral, on the grounds that, as he put it, he liked to keep in practice. (From “Admiral Hornswoggle in the Old West,” Part 1.)

Since Dr. Boli’s readers are just the sort to have strong opinions on the subject of Kant, they ought to take particular precautions.

1. Never discuss Kant with anyone who is visibly armed or drunk.

2. Never discuss Kant where you may be overheard by someone who is armed or drunk.

3. Never discuss Kant at all.

4. If, in spite of all your precautions, you do become involved in a discussion of Kant, make a mental note of the nearest exits, and keep alert for any sudden movements on the part of the other participants in the discussion.

Kant-related violence has the potential to affect any one of us. If you take reasonable precautions, however, you can reduce the risk to yourself significantly. Take Kant-related violence seriously, and report any instances you may happen to witness to your local metaphysical society.



  1. Ann Tiquity says:

    I struggled for many years with the temptation to commit poetry-related violence. The problem went away when I stopped attending undergraduate open-mike events at Hemingway’s Pub in Oakland.

  2. Joseph Moore says:

    I think I’m relatively safe from Kant-related violence. However, if Hegel-related violence ever breaks out, I’m a dead man – I’ve made dozens of derogatory assertions about Hegel, ranging from semi-scholarly analysis to gratuitous pot-shots – and I’ve put them on the deathless and searchable interwebs!

    So, um, any news on Hegel-related violence? Of course, if thin-skinned quacks start in with the murdering and target me (of all people), any would-be Hegelian murders would need to get in line behind fill-in-the-blank Theory professors, purveyors of junk science, political partisans, Freudians, Jungians and that crowd.

    If any easily offended and armed Hegelians are reading this, allow me to point out that it would be better, on the whole, to simple wait for the Spirit to unfold a can of Whup-*ss on me in his inimitable style, subsuming me into the resulting synthesis wherein I will be suspended yet not repudiated in a manner ontologically true if logically impossible. Ya know?

  3. And don’t forget about pacifist-related violence!

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

  4. Zombie Psychologist says:

    Why Kant we all just get along?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *