Any room in the house may be turned into a dedicated leopard habitat simply by installing a leopard.

Carpet your bedroom floor with old socks.

If your roof leaks, put an inflatable swimming pool under the leak to create a Roman-style impluvium.

Turn a spare bedroom into an office by posting a sign on the door that says “office.”

Purchase books of uniform size and thickness, and use stacks of them to build shelves for the books you actually read.

Instead of laboriously installing a doggie door, simply leave the back door open. You will achieve the same result with far less trouble and expense.

If you have artistic talent, painting a trompe-l’oeil sunroom on the back of your house is a great deal cheaper than building one.

If your kitchen and dining room are on separate levels, a llama is much easier to install than a dumb-waiter.

To add hundreds of thousands of dollars to the value of your house, move it to a better neighborhood when no one is looking.


  1. Save time, money, and effort by simply leaving your used clothing on the bathroom floor as you disrobe for you daily bathing ritual. The shirts and pants and so forth will obviate the need for a separate, dedicated, and expensive bathroom rug, soaking up dripping water and also eliminating the need to separately dry your feet with a towel upon exiting the bathtub or shower. At the end of the week or month or year (depending on the number of outfits and/or laundry baskets you own), place 2-3 baskets in the tub and pick all the clothing up at once for sorting according to color/material/desired wash cycle settings. Then take them down to the basement or the neighborhood laundromat for washing and drying (or have your manservant/maidservant do it for you, according to social class).

    • John M says:

      A simpler way to do laundry was demonstrated by Cary Grant in the movie Charade: purchase wash-and-wear clothing, and wear the garment while showering. According to Mr. Grant, this helps preserve the garment’s shape.

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