IN SCHOOL NEWS.

Blandville Elementary School has been diagnosed with Boring School Disorder (BSD), according to a statement from the Blandville Area School District. “We would like to assure parents of our pupils that we are taking all necessary steps to correct this problem,” Superintendent G. Wallace Drabbe wrote in the statement, “starting with a trip to the Carnegie to see the dinosaurs.”

According to Dr. Armoria Credence, a research psychologist at the Duck Hollow University Medical Center, as many as 78% of elementary schools in the region may be suffering from BSD, which usually goes undiagnosed until its advanced stages. “Often educators turn a blind eye to the problem,” explains Dr. Credence, “blaming the students and making up fictional ailments like ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ to explain the obvious symptoms.”

Fortunately, BSD is easily managed once diagnosed, according to Dr. Credence. “The school district is taking the right approach,” she says, “which is to make the school day interesting. If dinosaurs and good books and other common expedients prove inadequate, the teachers themselves may be made more interesting by prescribing them a mild hallucinogen.”

Comments

  1. Joseph Moore says:

    It is important to keep in mind, as I’m sure the Drs. Drabbe & Credence know, that the diagnosis is the important step. Now that we’ve identified the problem, we can return to the normal operation of permanent school reform.

    I admit to some surprise, however, at the proposal to prescribe a mild hallucinogen. I assumed that step had been taken years ago, in order for the teachers to better convince themselves they were actually there to teach kids anything. Perhaps the doctor is referring to resort to a somewhat less mild hallucinogen? Be that as it may, at least it appears the school district has finally come to grips with who it is the classroom that needs to be medicated.

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