Blandville Elementary School has been diagnosed with Boring School Disorder (BSD), according to a statement from the Blandville Area School District. “We would like to assure parents of our pupils that we are taking all necessary steps to correct this problem,” Superintendent G. Wallace Drabbe wrote in the statement, “starting with a trip to the Carnegie to see the dinosaurs.”

According to Dr. Armoria Credence, a research psychologist at the Duck Hollow University Medical Center, as many as 78% of elementary schools in the region may be suffering from BSD, which usually goes undiagnosed until its advanced stages. “Often educators turn a blind eye to the problem,” explains Dr. Credence, “blaming the students and making up fictional ailments like ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ to explain the obvious symptoms.”

Fortunately, BSD is easily managed once diagnosed, according to Dr. Credence. “The school district is taking the right approach,” she says, “which is to make the school day interesting. If dinosaurs and good books and other common expedients prove inadequate, the teachers themselves may be made more interesting by prescribing them a mild hallucinogen.”