VATICAN AGHAST AS SAME ‘NEWLY DISCOVERED GOSPEL’ STORY MAKES 1,362nd CONSECUTIVE TOUR OF FACEBOOK
A purported news story about a “1500-year-old Bible” that supposedly disproves the historical basis of the Christian religion has caused the Vatican to question its entire theology.
“We want to believe that every human being is made in the image of God, a brother of Christ, with a uniquely valuable mind,” said Philip Cardinal Mbako of the Office of Media and Scribal Relations. “But, honestly, if you rubes keep falling for this thing over and over, it really shakes our faith in humanity.”
The Gospel of Barnabas, the book supposedly discovered recently in Turkey, is a well-known apocryphal Christian writing “that any moron can look up in Wikipedia,” according to Cardinal Mbako.
“If an older manuscript has been discovered, well, yippee,” the cardinal explained. “But come on, people, dates! If it’s 1500 years old, just exactly how does it ‘disprove’ the 1900-year-old Gospels? Jeepers. Some people have tapioca for brains.”
The cardinal then muttered something in Italian or Nigerian or some language that this reporter did not understand, followed by a request to “pardon my French,” although it did not sound like French.
“If people keep sending idiotic stories like this around and around on the Internet, then maybe there just is no redeeming most of you twits,” Cardinal Mbako stated. “I swear, it’s enough to make me turn Presbyterian.”