As a service to the tribe of telephone marketers, here is a list of the opening declarations which, by Dr. Boli’s own explicit instructions, earn an immediate disconnection from Dr. Boli’s secretary:

1. Don’t hang up!

2. This is a very important message for a specific reason.

3. Our equipment has detected anomalies originating from your computer.

4. Congratulations!

5. Hi, this is Marsha, your Google specialist.

6. Would you like to go on a cruise?

7. This is an important message about your credit-card account.

8. We have determined that you are eligible for a loan of…

9. Hi! How are you doing, Halbertus?

10. Any other opening declaration at all, because, you see, Dr. Boli is on the Do Not Call list. Unless he has bought something from you, or inquired about your services, it is illegal for you to call him; and he presumes that the same ignorance of law and ethics that induced you to make the call extends through the rest of your business practices as well.