IN THE NEWS

MORE THAN THIRTY televisions in restaurants and waiting rooms around the metropolitan area mysteriously switched to a documentary film entitled “Daniel Burnham, Make No Little Plans.” Homeland Security agents are investigating but a spokesman warned that no one is safe and we should all be very afraid. Patrons at Dunnings Sports Bar in Etna were particularly affected by the outrage, with eight reported hospitalized with cardiac-related problems after an important play in the Bengals/Browns game was interrupted. The only clue to the identity of the mysterious malifactor behind the attack came in the closing credits of the documentary, which identified it as “A Brazo Production”.