We asked several well-known public figures to tell us what they were especially thankful for this year. These were their responses.

Miss Una Corda, the notoriously shy concert pianist, is grateful for social distancing and a pandemic that has closed public performance venues for the better part of a year. To maintain proper social distancing, she has made all her YouTube videos private.

Teenie Sparkle, the host of the popular children’s program Sparkle Park, is also grateful for the pandemic, which has kept her studio clear of sniveling brats since March.

Bozar the Clown is grateful for HDMI television cables, which are easily susceptible to a pair of wire-cutters carried in the pocket.

Rap-jazz fusion artist Felonious Thelonious is grateful for the Orrin G. Hatch–Bob Goodlatte Music Modernization Act, and promises a new edition of the recordings of the Original Dixieland Jazz Band with his own improvised lyrics for early 2022.

Poet and novelist Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle is grateful to all the readers who purchased his new free-verse anthology The Dictionary thinking it was something else.

Donald J. Trump is grateful for the presidential Thanksgiving tradition of pardoning a Thanksgiving turkey.

Miss Diana Smoulder, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy, is grateful to the Socialist Workers Party for licensing her composition “The Endless Drone” as its inspirational anthem.


  1. Occasional Correspondent says:

    Speaking of the pardoning of turkeys, has it been settled yet whether Donald Trump can pardon himself?

    Didn’t I read recently of some conflict between Una Corda and her sister Dissa?

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