Celebrate the New Year in a more appropriate style.

If we learned anything from 2021, it was not to expect very much from 2022. Why celebrate the inevitable arrival of an artificial calendrical marker as though it made a meaningful change in our lives? Join a like-minded group of socially distant individuals—all of whom have many years' ex-perience in social distancing—to sit in folding chairs twelve feet apart outside the Blandville Community Center and grunt occasionally as the clock ticks past midnight. Refreshments will be served after you get home if you open a bottle.

Brotherhood of Cranks and Naysayers, Hazelwood.