Transcribed below.


I am writing to you on behalf of the North American Paleontological Association to ask you to make an announcement for us. It is very exciting news. In a peat bog in McKean County, Pennsylvania, one of our expeditions recovered an almost completely intact animal of the proboscidean order; for certain reasons I hesitate to mention the family and genus, but I can inform your readers that it was in form similar to an elephant, with very long curving tusks and a trunk that, in our specimen, was still entirely intact. The remarkably well-preserved skin allows us for the first time to answer certain longstanding questions about these extinct animals, whose name your readers will probably have guessed by this point.

At any rate, I am asking your publication to announce this discovery because our account was banned for life from Twitter for using the M-word. I do not know what your policy is in that regard, so I have tried to avoid the possibility of giving offense. I should like to make it perfectly clear to your readers that I support the new Twitter in its crusade for freedom of speech, but of course the new freedom-centered policy means you have to be much more careful about what you say.


Dr. Mildred F. Brainbush,

North American