Every typewriter deserves its own epigram, improvised on its own keyboard. Here are two more.

Smith Corona SL 470:

You hate me just because I’m plastic.
Now, isn’t that a little drastic?
My typing’s very neat, you know.
It’s not my fault that I’m so slow.
Well, have it your way. Truth to tell,
I kind of hate myself as well.

Tower Constellation with Elite Gothic No. 16 type (often used for invoicing and billing):

I’m not a poet, as you see. 
I’m more an invoice-writer.
When you need billing, turn to me.
I’ll make your workload lighter.
My capitals and Gothic face
Won’t look good in your novel.
I’m specialized. I know my place:
To make your debtors grovel.


  1. John Salmon says:

    Sort of relevant to the second typewriter-Richard Rhodes once wrote a piece about how even business communications tell a kind of a story…how it’s different to say “please affix stamp here” on a return envelope compared with “place stamp here”. Or “put a stamp here, moron-the USPS don’t work for free”.

  2. Joseph Moore says:

    Now with all 26 letters:

    Despised: zealous plastic
    A bit too fantastic?
    Very tidy, you witness;
    blameless my unquickness.
    Your judgement has some merit:
    I’m a self-loathing faux parrot.

    No Cowper, Donne, or Shakespeare
    (Though that would be quite cool)
    But exciting money fear?
    I’m your go-to tool.
    My stern stentorian typeface
    Is not for frivolous prose
    I’m specialized, unlike Laplace,
    For scaring average Joes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *