You visit a brewery and ask the friendly server whether they have a stout.

“Well,” he says, “we have…

“Imperial Milk Stout with Frosted Animal Cookies, Strawberry, Raspberry, Milk Sugar, and Vanilla…

“Imperial Milkshake Stout Conditioned on Oreos…

“Imperial Stout with Toasted Coconut, Coffee, and Cinnamon…

“Salted Caramel Butter Crisp Pastry Stout…

“Imperial Stout with Blackberries, Cocoa Nibs, Vanilla, and Milk Sugar…”

“So,” you say, interrupting the list, “the answer is no?”

“Well, if you don’t like our stouts, you might try an IPA. We have IPA with Strawberry, Rhubarb, Milk Sugar, Graham Crackers, and Vanilla…”

“I’ll just have iced tea,” you say with a frozen smile.

Now, you may think this is a little exaggeration, and it is true that Dr. Boli has once in a while indulged in slight exaggeration to make a point. But these names are taken straight from the list at a brewery in Sharpsburg, a brewery that lives in part of the old Fort Pitt Brewery, which once produced the most popular beer in Pennsylvania.

Apparently the word “beer” no longer means what it meant when Dr. Boli was younger.


  1. KevinT says:

    It sounds like a journey down the cookie aisle. Next up: a journey down the candy aisle, where you’ll find real root beer (in little brown barrel-shaped cans), horehound drop IPA, licorice lager, etc.

  2. Von Hindenburg says:

    Could be worse. “Well, we have Guinness…”

    This is why I like Penn. They just keep puttering along, making solid examples of classic styles, not trying to follow every trend and fashion.

  3. Joseph Moore says:

    The names of those suds suggest the marketing people were partaking of substances more mind altering than beer. A few sounded ok in isolation. But taken as a set, the tamer ones are tainted by the stench of out of control marketing people.

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