Vacuous people lead happier lives. It’s a scientific fact that stupid people without a thought in their brains are happier and more ful-filled than thoughtful, intelligent people. The more you think, the more you torture yourself. The Hygienic Vacuum Cap safely removes thought and leaves nothing between your ears but a fresh breeze.


  1. tom says:

    Don’t forget to buy earplugs too, so that insidious “thoughts” cannot make their way back in.

  2. Superior to the traditional methods: no fragile screens involved!

  3. Occasional Correspondent says:

    Does the Vac Cap incorporate one of those at-home, do-it-yourself haircutting machines?  A hair-raising prospect; designated “do it yourself” by courtesy while in actuality you are not doing it yourself but being done to by the machine.

    With the cranial interior evacuated and the cranial exterior trimmed back, wouldn’t there be a buoyant effect?  Not so great that users float away into the empyrean, one hopes, but it might lighten the load on the feet — so the Hygeinic Vacuum Cap (Deluxe Tonsorial Model) also relieves your corns.  Notify Marketing!

  4. Is this vacuum method really any better than the traditional method of letting a parasitic worm eat part of your brain and then die in there?

  5. John Salmon says:

    Even better than psychotropic drugs!

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