Posts by Dr. Boli
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FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR.
Sir: There has been much debate over various forms of wealth tax, and I thought that my long experience as a teacher of fifth-grade arithmetic at Blandville Elementary might be of some service in forming sound notions of correct public policy.
First of all, we must define our terms. Every good American will agree that there is nothing wrong with being rich. A million or two here or there will help pay the bills and keep the wolf from the door. Even a hundred million can have its uses; one might buy a butler and a housekeeper to keep one’s house running smoothly, paying each of them a few million a year to keep them contented. But I think we can all agree that anything over a billion dollars is just too much for one person. A billionaire may be considered by definition obscenely rich. No one could ever spend a billion dollars on personal comfort.
Now, the obscenely rich form a large pool of wealth from which the government might make an occasional withdrawal without materially affecting their comfort. Here is where arithmetic is of great utility. Elon Musk, for example, is estimated to have a net worth of $217 billion. Plainly, he is obscenely rich. Now, should we punish him for his wealth? By no means. Doubtless he came by it honestly, as all billionaires do. But let us say, hypothetically, that we wish to make use of his wealth, without affecting his personal comfort at all. If we remove $216 billion from his assets, he is still obscenely rich. As my fifth-graders could demonstrate to your satisfaction, $217 billion minus $216 billion leaves 1 billion—an amount that we have previously agreed exceeds every possible human want.
What shall we do with this knowledge we have gained through the art of arithmetic? That will be up to the wisdom of our legislators. I take it for granted that no one can be elected to Congress without a thorough understanding of human nature and an almost supernatural intelligence. I content myself with knowing that I have contributed a salient fact to their discussion from the realm of my own little specialty.
Sincerely,
Mr. Blundt,
Room 207,
Blandville Elementary
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NEWLY DISCOVERED WORKS OF ANNE McCAFFREY.
Dragonette
Dragonwallow
Dragonbane
Dragonslinger
Dragonflinger
Dragonfinger
Dragondragoon
Dragonoberstleutnant
Dragoncycle
Dragonbus
Dragonjam
Dragoncops
Dragonsick
Dragon On
And the long-awaited finale of the series,
Dragonburgers
MOST HELPFUL REVIEWS.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY.
“Portrait of the White Rabbit,” by kind permission of the artist, Teresa F. Bailey.
The eggs laid by the Easter Bunny are almost all infertile. Only one fertilized egg is laid every year, which produces next year’s Easter Bunny.
The Easter Bunny’s full name is Bernard, but he prefers the nickname “Bunny” as being less embarrassing.
The popular Christmas song “The Little Drummer Boy” was actually written by the Easter Bunny under the pseudonym “Katherine Kennicott Davis.”
During his long annual vacation, the Easter Bunny collects stuffed plush representations of himself, a hobby he enjoys ironically.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
ABOUT MICROSOFT WINDOWS.
Q. I’ve been getting the Blue Screen of Death more often since I upgraded to Windows 11. Is there any way to make that less likely to happen in the future?
A. No.
Q. Windows updates often break features or functions of important software on my computer. Is there an easy way to prevent Windows from updating itself?
A. No.
Q. Is there a good way to transfer large folders of files from my Windows computer to my Android phone?
A. No.
Q. Sometimes Windows loses track of my desktop wallpaper and substitutes the wallpaper from a different desktop. Is there any way to prevent that from happening?
A. No.
Q. Windows always gets slower and slower over the course of a year or so until eventually it has to be reinstalled. Is there any way to keep Windows running efficiently without bogging down like that?
A. No.
Q. I set my computer to suspend after ten minutes, but Windows often ignores that setting, and, come to think of it, a lot of other settings I set. Am I doing something wrong?
A. No. Here in Redmond, we refer to the “Settings” app as the “Suggestion Box.”
Q. There’s this feature in the current version of Windows that’s really useful to me. Will it still be available after the next Windows update?
A. Is it something you really like a lot?
Q. Yes.
A. Is it something you’ve grown to depend on because it makes your life so much easier?
Q. Yes, that’s it exactly.
A. Then no.
ALWAYS A BAD SIGN WHEN YOU HEAR…
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