Every once in a while, Dr. Boli finds it necessary to tell the English-speaking world that it is not allowed to use a perfectly good word anymore. He always does so with regret, because it is not a light burden to be responsible for impoverishing our vocabulary. But by removing these words from circulation, we will make our communication more communicative.

Today we find it necessary to prohibit the word share.

Now, we hasten to explain, before widespread panic erupts, that we do not propose to ban it in all senses. There are still many meanings for which share is appropriate, and indeed the best possible word. “Remember, boys, we have only one shoe, so you two are going to have to share”: this is a good and proper use of the term, and no simpler word could be found to occupy the same place.

What we propose to ban is the use of the word share to mean say. Here is a writer for a technical blog about WordPress, the software that runs half the Internet, reporting information received from one of the people working on the project:

David Perez also shared that the Plugin Check plugin significantly reduced the time for reviews, bringing the average wait time down from 37 weeks to 9 weeks, even as plugin submissions have almost doubled.

—Article at WPTavern.

David Perez said that. “Said” is the only word you need to describe what he did.

Why do we object to this use of share? It seems to be everywhere, after all, so perhaps it is just becoming part of the English language. Most people under a certain age will say “he shared that…” instead of “he told me that…” or “he said that…,” and language does change, after all.

But there are two problems with this use of the word. The first, which is probably the more important of the two, is that it grates on Dr. Boli’s ears like fingernails on a blackboard, or even like Dan Schutte songs. But the other problem with using “shared” for “said,” aside from making you sound like a squishy pop psychologist, is that it creates an unconscious suggestion of reliability. “Said” simply tells us that someone made this statement, and we are permitted to judge its reliability as we would any statement from that source. “Shared” implies that this is a fact, and the person who stated it is allowing us to partake in the knowledge. It cannot be judged. Someone took the trouble to share this valuable information with us. Isn’t that nice? You would be an awful person if you doubted this statement.

In fact, psychologists use the word for exactly that reason. If they have a group of shy and vulnerable people in therapy, they will ask if one of them has something to share. This implies that it is safe to say anything in this environment: no one will call you a liar or a weirdo. Share implies that the statement cannot be doubted. In this limited way, perhaps, it has a use. Dr. Boli objects when it spills out of its connotation of cozy positivity and tries to take over the duties of the usefully neutral “say.”

When we are writing a news article and reporting the speech or email statement or microblog wittering of someone in a position of influence, we do not mean to say that the person making the statement is a good and worthy person. What we mean is just that the person made the statement. It is news; it can be judged.

The difference is subtle, perhaps, but it is also important. Try using the word shared for a statement from a source you don’t trust. “Chairman Mao shared that imperialists and all reactionaries are bean-curd tigers.” “Chancellor Hitler shared that Jews and Gypsies are vermin and must be eliminated from the Reich.” Shared carries a load of connotation with it; it is not a drop-in replacement for said.

Dr. Boli knows that there are English teachers who teach their pupils that they should not say “said” every time they report someone’s speech—that they should vary their vocabulary and use “stated” or “declared” or “enunciated” or “shared.” Those English teachers ought to be punished, and the universe has arranged that they will be punished by having to read the essays their pupils write. To use the same word for the same meaning is a sound principle in writing; ransacking Roget’s is the sign of a poor thinker as well as a poor writer.

Therefore, by the power vested in him by his own overweening arrogance, Dr. Boli decrees that, henceforth, the use of the word share to mean say is not permitted.

Coagulate (verb).—To assist in the process of agulation, or to perform other secondary agulatory services.

Remembering snack cakes past.

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Dear Dr. Boli: My French teacher keeps going on about Proust till I just want to strangle her. But one of the things she keeps talking about is madeleines, which seem to be some kind of thing French people eat while they’re sitting around being French, and I started to wonder what they are. I could go to a French bakery and find out, but they might start speaking French, and if I have to hear another word of French after listening to Mrs. Costello butcher the language in third period it will just about kill me. So I thought I’d ask you: What are madeleines? —Sincerely, Olivia, Bored Out of Her Mind in Mrs. Costello’s Third-Period French Class.

Dear Miss: Madeleines are Hostess Twinkies stamped in a cockleshell mold, and with the filling removed. French people find them very evocative. They bring back old memories of things past, in the same way that, for Americans, unaltered Hostess Twinkies bring back memories of metal lunchboxes and food fights in the elementary-school cafeteria.