Posts filed under “Books & Literature”
From DR. BOLI’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MISINFORMATION.
Pepys, Samuel. In spite of his mother’s continued efforts and the intervention of the best voice coach in seventeenth-century London, Samuel Pepys was never able to pronounce his own name correctly.
From DR. BOLI’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY.
Bipartisanship (noun). Both parties doing what the speaker wants them to do.
NOW IN PRESS.
Irma-Lou: A Scientific Romance, by Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle. In the prolific Vanderblock-Wheedle’s first work of science fiction, Poplar Hills housewife Irma-Lou must confront and overcome the hopeless ennui of her life in the suburbs of Norfolk, Va., in time to stop a meteor that threatens to destroy the 2300 block of Evergreen Place in Portsmouth, where her Aunt Esther lives. “Sure to please fans of the serial comma!” —Hampton Roads Thursday Advertiser.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
ORDER OF CASSIODORUS.
THE PRESERVATION OF literate civilization is a task that calls for heroic effort. The Dark Ages are never more than a generation away; literacy is a fragile blossom that will soon wither when its environment is no longer favorable. Dr. Boli was moved to muse on these matters by the passing of a man he had never met, but one who nevertheless proved a sincere friend to him and to everyone who reads: Mr. Michael S. Hart, who died just two days ago.
It is almost impossible to feel sadness at the loss of one who has accomplished so much in the world; indeed, his life seems to have been deliberately arranged so that the accomplishments would continue when the life itself came to a close. Although he does not normally pronounce on matters of theology, Dr. Boli is certain that, if he were running heaven, Mr. Hart would be sucked up into it like a dust bunny in a Hoover.
Nevertheless, since heaven itself is not in his gift, Dr. Boli has decided to offer the strongest tribute in his power. He has made Mr. Hart the first member of the Order of Cassiodorus, a society of women and men who have made important contributions to the preservation of literate civilization. Dr. Boli hopes to award this honor in the future to others who have made similar contributions. There is no cash prize associated with it, but only the knowledge that one solitary individual on the Internet recognizes that something extraordinary has been accomplished.
From DR. BOLI’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY.
Leader (noun).—Anyone who briefly succeeds in following the mob from the front.
From DR. BOLI’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY.
Psychotherapy (noun).—The science of treating the problems of selfish, self-centered, self-obsessed, and self-absorbed people by encouraging them to talk about themselves.
From DR. BOLI’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MISINFORMATION.
Superheroes. According to Prof. Wilton Beard of the Classics Department at Duck Hollow University, the superheroes in modern comic books and motion pictures, with their masks, exaggerated gestures, introspective monologues, conflicts with fate and destiny, and lives of inner torment, are in every respect equivalent to the heroes of Greek tragedy, except way dumber.
ASK DR. BOLI.
Dear Dr. Boli: I know that the word “motel” is a sort of portmanteau word meaning motor hotel. But where does the word hotel come from? There ought to be some sort of book in which one could find the answers to questions like this. —Sincerely, the Rev. W. W. Skeat, Ll.D.
Dear Sir: You have hit upon one of the most fascinating problems in our English vocabulary; for, while it is true that motel is a portmanteau meaning motor hotel, it is also true that hotel is a portmanteau meaning horse motel. This curiously circular paradox was the observation that founded the science of quantum etymology, whose counter-intuitive principles reject the classical notion of cause and effect in word development.
NOW IN PRESS.
