No. 7.—On the Insufficiency of Grace, by the Rev. Dr. Carolus Fraile.

THE RUMOR THAT the Rev. Dr. Carolus Fraile, a respected Lutheran pastor at St. Lydia’s in Esplen, had written a manuscript treatise “On the Insufficiency of Grace” caused much consternation in the synod office. Was Dr. Fraile a heretic? It was not in the nature of Lutherans even to ask such a question, yet the subject was too close to the heart of Lutheran doctrine to ignore. Indeed, the sufficiency and necessity of grace were, as the whispers in the synod office said, the very foundations of Lutheran doctrine. In all his sermons and his writing, Dr. Fraile had given every indication of orthodoxy. Could such a man have written a work with so provocative a title?

Soon the existence of the manuscript was positively confirmed by Miss Sarah Nebb, an elderly sexton who, while dusting in the pastor’s office, found it necessary to move some of the pastor’s personal papers, and accidentally read a good many of them. She had not succeeded in accidentally reading “On the Insufficiency of Grace” before the pastor unexpectedly returned, but there could be no doubt that she had seen the title.

As the known existence of the manuscript was already causing some scandal in the synod, the matter was brought up before the Standing Committee on Doctrine, which met the second Thursday of every month in a special room without chairs at the Palace Inn. For the first time in the recorded history of the Committee, the word “heresy” was mentioned in a regular meeting. After some debate, it was agreed that no adequate definition of “heresy” was available to the Committee, which therefore referred the matter to the Committee on the Clergy for any necessary investigation.

This Committee met twice a year at the Synod offices, so it was some months before the matter could be brought up. When the Committee did meet, it was unanimously agreed that the question of Dr. Fraile’s manuscript was causing unnecessary scandal in the synod; and that, on the other hand, Dr. Fraile himself was a pastor of hitherto irreproachable reputation. It would be best, the Committee agreed, to interrogate Dr. Fraile personally, in a friendly and informal manner, without causing any undue uproar. Pastor Anna Strassenbahn was given the responsibility of conducting the interview, for which no particular parameters were specified.

When the committee met again six months later, Pastor Strassenbahn reported that Dr. Fraile was a very nice person, and that he seemed very sincere, although it had been very difficult to get an appointment with him—a difficulty he attributed to his overburdened secretary. When pressed, she admitted that she had not specifically brought up the subject of the manuscript, thinking that it would be somewhat indecorous to mention that its existence had become known when Dr. Fraile had made no effort to put it before the public. The Committee agreed that Pastor Strassenbahn had acted with becoming decorum, and referred the matter to the Committee on Missions, which met every other year at the Sideling Hill Resort and Spa.

When, after nineteen months, the matter was brought up before the Committee on Missions, the members expressed some bewilderment. They agreed that the matter was not within the purview of the Committee on Missions, and referred it to the West Central Division Council, as the governing body with immediate authority over the congregation of St. Lydia’s.

The Council met every four years at a different member church, but construction at St. Aquila’s caused the next meeting to be canceled. It was therefore seven years before the matter could be brought up before the Council, which by a curious coincidence was meeting at St. Lydia’s that year. As Dr. Fraile was himself acting as host, it was deemed inappropriate to discuss the matter at that meeting, so the question was referred to the Synod Office.

At that time, however, the bishop was on an extended tour of the sister synod in Madagascar, so he was unavailable for the next few years, and the bishop’s assistant was unwilling to make a decision of such import on his own. Three years later, the bishop unexpectedly resigned to pursue a career as a professional lacrosse player, and it was some years before a new bishop could be chosen.

Eventually, however, the new bishop was installed, and the matter of Dr. Fraile brought up before him. By this time, Dr. Fraile himself had died of chicken pox at the age of 112, but by means of a politely worded letter the bishop obtained permission from his heirs to examine Dr. Fraile’s personal papers.

When the manuscript was finally received, the bishop sent it to Dr. Theodore Hogwood, president of the Duck Hollow Theological Seminary, with a request that he examine the thesis and summarize the doctrines expressed in it.

In only a few months, the distinguished theologian was able to forward his report.

The manuscript began, said the report, with an invocation, and then a number of relevant quotations from the Psalms. It then proceeded to address the St. Lydia’s church council directly with a statement of the main thesis: that Miss Grace Pfolder, the secretary at St. Lydia’s, was not capable of handling by herself the weighty labor that had been thrust upon her by the gratifying growth of the parish; that it was absolutely necessary to hire an assistant to the secretary, as Grace by herself was entirely insufficient. The remainder of the manuscript was devoted to illustrative examples, illuminated by similar events from Old Testament history, and amplified by citations from the epistles of St. Paul. There was nothing, he said, counter to traditional Lutheran doctrine in the manuscript. Thus the matter was brought to a gratifying close, and, as the bishop himself remarked, the process (as he called it) was vindicated.

Since that time the manuscript has not been seen, but that may be largely because no one has looked for it.

Dr. Boli’s Pop-Up Book of Phenomenology. The principles, history, and various schools of phenomenology spring to three-dimensional life. By the use of carefully constructed pop-up illustrations, such concepts as noesis and noema, the Sachverhalt, and the theory of manifolds catch the imagination and are rendered instantly memorable. Readers of all ages will delight in romping through the world of Hegel, Husserl, Heidegger, and other whimsical heroes of childhood. Even preschoolers will be delighted by the intricate mechanics of the illustrations, even if they are not prepared to understand their implications fully before kindergarten. “We have seen children rendered positively speechless by the beautifully executed page on Empty Intentionality” (Sunday-School Phenomenologist, starred review).

Dr. Boli’s Big Boring Book. Everything you need to know about boring, from tiny holes to subway tunnels. Dr. Boli examines this fascinating subject from every possible angle. The history of boring is explored, from the earliest shell jewelry to the new subway tunnel under the Allegheny, showing how holes have formed an essential, though often overlooked, part of human culture in every era. The geometry of holes is explained in precise detail, and detailed engravings depict boring tools from every stage of human culture. Boring equipment is reviewed with an eye to its practicality as well as its beauty. A special chapter is devoted to the many delightful puns which can be made on the word “boring.” Quarto, 386 pp.

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On This Day in History.

ON THIS DAY in 1908, a small group of intrepid explorers from Brooklyn discovered Connecticut.

Translated from Lettres d’un poète parisien, by Udolphe de l’Ennui.

My dear L——,

Spring has come, and I feel the gentle breeze wafting through the open window. Petals flutter like pink fairy wings from the apple tree in the garden. How I hate the spring! It is worse than an abomination: it is a commonplace…

Did you imagine that I should be enchanted by your descriptions of the wines of Sauternes, which you call sweet as honey, with all the fruits of the orchard in the scent? Did you imagine that I cared for such things as honey or fruits? All sweetness is a monstrous lie; all fruit is stunningly audacious in its mendacity. Only in bitterness is there truth, because bitterness is the scent of death, and only in death is the truth of life revealed. I sup on wormwood: away with honey, and fruits, and marmalade, especially marmalade. Do not fail to send more of Mlle de V——’s excellent marmalade, so that I may despise it…

The greengrocer is pushing his cart up the street, singing happily to himself. The imbecile! What is it to me if he dances on the bridge at Avignon? I despise dancing, and I despise bridges. Nor do I care much for Avignon… The birds also are singing, and they are imbeciles as well, but they have the good sense not to dance, even on bridges…

The treacherous sun, with cowardly stealth, has inched its way across the sky again, and now floods my chamber with its rays. How it mocks me! It grows stronger little by little every day, while I must grow weaker for my art: weaker and weaker, wasting away. Already I have scarcely the life in me to get up and shut the blind… I lie on my couch, immobile, and I feel I must die; I know it. But send the marmalade anyway, in case I am wrong.

Yours in misery of soul,

Udolphe.

P.S.—Give my love to Mme L—— and all the little L——s.

Pipes, Valves, and Fittings: A Pageant for Elementary-Age Children. At once entertaining and educational, this pageant presents the properties of fluids, the methods and procedures of welding, the equations governing flange design, calculations of longitudinal stress, &c., in a manner that fires the young imagination. A prominent feature is the Nitrided Steel Song which was such a success at the Young People’s Metallurgical Congress in Weirton last July. Includes a detailed easy-to-sew pattern for the Boyle’s Law costume, along with a number of practical blocking suggestions which will be found useful by amateur directors. Sold in packs of ten copies plus Director’s Edition bound in vellum.

Sir:

How long must Crafton Heights remain without a decent harpsichord shop? What has become of this so-called “Neighborhood Renaissance” our whippersnapper of a mayor keeps talking about if musicians are forced to leave their own neighborhoods and even cross the Monongahela to find a decent selection of Renaissance musical instruments? I am disgusted and shall be voting Whig next November.

Sincerely,
Orlando Gibbons
Crafton Heights

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Sir:

I recently read in your publication that the Governor General of Canada had prorogued Parliament. As a loyal Canadian, though currently living abroad, I am deeply disappointed to discover that the appointed representative of my Queen is prorogue. I myself am vehemently antirogue. Has Her Majesty been informed of this? I realize that her family situation makes her unusually tolerant of rogues, but what tradition makes acceptable in the Royal Family is not healthy in the elected representatives of the people. I urge all Canadians to petition Her Majesty, in the politest and most loyal terms possible, to take a firm stand against rogues in government.

Sincerely,
John A. MacDonald
(no relation)
Greenfield

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Sir:

The law requires us to inform you that this is an attempt to collect a debt. Our records show that you never paid for your subscription to Lemington Living Magazine, in spite of the fine print that clearly indicated your free issue was conditional upon a three-year subscription at the regular discount rate of $514.98. It is very important that you write us back at this address within three days to prevent further action.

Sincerely,
Wilhelmina Spigot,
Lincoln Collection Services,
Lincoln-Lemington

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Sir:
I recently came across a pile of old newspapers in the basement and wish to register my strong objection to your endorsement of John F. Kennedy. In my opinion Richard Nixon is our only hope, as only Nixon has the experience and determination to face down the Soviets if they should provoke a crisis.

Sincerely,
Amelie Prunewhistle,
California-Kirkbride

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Sir:

In my opinion, far too much space on your editorial page is taken up with letters to the editor on utterly trivial subjects. Most of these correspondents are mere cranks with absurd ideas that will not stand a moment’s examination. That same space could be much better used for an expanded astrology column.

Sincerely,
Parker Vacumatic,
Spring Garden

LEGENDARY HEROES OF THE MILK-SOLIDS INDUSTRY. The heart-pounding excitement and larger-than-life characters of the western Pennsylvania dairy industry come roaring off the page in this thrill-a-minute page-turner. Referring both to original documents and to the lively milk-solids oral tradition, Dr. Boli assembles what may well become the definitive work on a subject that has held generations spellbound. Heavily illustrated with period artwork and new photographs of the archaeological remains. Part 1 of a projected series. Volume 2, Cottage Cheeses of Allegheny, Westmoreland, Washington, Greene, and Fayette Counties, is already in preparation. Folio, 836 pp.

THE UNFLAGGING DEMAND for this abbreviated form of literature continues to surprise Dr. Boli. Nevertheless, he is not entirely unresponsive to the whims of his readers. If they require bumper stickers, then they shall have bumper stickers, or his name isn’t Henricus Albertus Boli. You may click on the image to download a PDF file, which may be enlarged to any arbitrary size without loss of resolution.