DR. BOLI’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MISINFORMATION,

Annual Christmas Number.

Fruitcake.—In a three-day study conducted by scientists at the Institute for Culinary Amelioration, more than 78% of participants reported that fruitcake was greatly improved by rum. The results were so encouraging that, for next year’s study, the ICA scientists plan to try adding the rum to the fruitcake.

Julbocken.—In Sweden, Norway, and Denmark, Father Christmas traditionally arrives on a Yule goat or Julbocken. In the Faeroe Islands, for reasons lost in the mists of the mythological past, he arrives on a Soemmerring’s gazelle (Nanger soemmerringii).

Père Noël.—In Quebec, on Christmas day, the children of the household invite Père Noël to come in and join them in throwing marshmallows at the screen while they watch the king’s Royal Christmas Message.

Pudding.—In Ireland, the traditional Christmas pudding is brought to the table flaming. Dinner guests watch as the pudding burns to ash, after which there is a round of cheers and the guests devour the foil-wrapped chocolates they received on Christmas morning.

St. Nikolaus.—In Liechtenstein, children leave their boots in front of the door for St. Nikolaus on Christmas Eve, and when they wake up Christmas morning, the boots are neatly polished.

LETTER TO THE EDITOR.

Dear Sir: I should like to take the opportunity of this forum to ask your readers to consider how unkind a single thoughtless joke can be when it is at the expense of an innocent toiler in the public interest. I know that social media are full of jokes and memes about registrars of deeds, but have you ever stopped to consider how the men and women who perform that function, so vital to civilized life in civilization, are affected by the constant barrage of mockery at their expense? I walk down the street, and I hear the suppressed snickers. I know everyone I pass knows that I am a registrar of deeds, and I see them leaning over to whisper the latest registrar-of-deeds joke in the ears of their friends. When I drive down the road, I see the buses full of laughing children, and I know what they are laughing about. I see the smirks on every face as I walk through the supermarket. I hear the broccoli laughing at me behind my back. I know the whole canned-soup aisle is just waiting for me to pass so they can jump on Instagram and share pictures of the back of my head with mocking captions added. I won’t even go into the toiletries section after what the shampoo said about me. I challenged the pumpernickel to a duel once, but the coward gave me no response. So anyway, couldn’t you people have a little consideration? That’s all I want. That and for the Greek yogurt to keep its smart mouth shut. —Sincerely, Lancelot Fribble, Yohogania County Registrar of Deeds.