ASK DR. BOLI.

Dear Dr. Boli: For many years I have been attempting to prove that UFOs are regularly visiting our planet. I have at last succeeded in obtaining incontrovertible proof. Last Thursday night, I took this photograph, which clearly shows a UFO hovering over my garage, though it appears somewhat distant as I had only a small disposable camera, which has a rather wide-angle lens:

ufo

What do you think of that, huh? Victory is mine! My question is this: Where do I apply to receive the fame and fortune that are undoubtedly my due? —Sincerely, An Anonymous Crank.

Dear Sir or Madam: The letters “UFO” are a common abbreviation for “Unidentified Flying Object.” To indulge in a tautology, such objects are, by definition, unidentified. In this case, however, it is clear from the markings that what you have photographed is a star cruiser of the Sirius Confederation, specifically a Model K-18. Although rendered obsolete by the newer L and M models, star cruisers of the K class are still relatively common in interstellar service, especially among the budget carriers. They are in fact among the most readily identified of common alien spacecraft, as any knowledgeable astronomer will tell you. Dr. Boli therefore regrets to inform you that you have not succeeded in photographing a “UFO,” but encourages you to keep trying.

Comments

  1. Jeff says:

    Sirs and Madams:

    I believe this is nothing more than a clever attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of sirius astronomers everywhere. As any schoolboy will tell you, wool has a reflectivity constant of only .228, a far cry from the .822 required to eliminate the effect of parallax glint in modern Schmidt-Bob lens designs.

    Clearly, the photo has been digitally manipulated. The proof of this can be seen in the “K-18” nomenclature on the starboard side of the craft, which is rendered in a typeface used exclusively by the K-9 Squadron during the Hund Conflict. Add to that the sheer absurdity of the technology required for sheep-shearing in the vacuum of space, and . . . well, you get the picture.

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