Dear Dr. Boli: As a new citizen of the United States, I am eager to assume my duties and privileges as one of the ultimate arbiters of power in a democratic state; that is, I wish to vote in the upcoming elections. However, it seems that my only effective choice is between “Republicans” and “Democrats,” and I find that I have great difficulty in distinguishing the difference. Would you by any chance be able to help? —Sincerely, An Eager but Baffled First-Time Voter.

Dear Sir or Madam: You will find that what divides Democrats from Republicans is primarily the choice of which six impossible things to believe before breakfast. Dr. Boli hopes that this distinction will prove helpful to you in making your choice this November, and congratulates you on your newly minted citizenship.