AT THE PRESENT time, Dr. Boli is just a month shy of 227 years old, but he is frequently mistaken for a man half his age. To what does he attribute his youthful vigor? The secret lies in Dr. Boli’s Age-Defying Elixir, the receipt for which is now revealed to the public for the first time.

In a stout mixing bowl, combine

2 cups plain yogurt
1 tsp rose water
1 tsp turbinado sugar
1 tsp Hungarian paprika

Meanwhile, chop and discard

3 heads lettuce
3 heads endive
3 heads celery
3 heads old-fashioned oatmeal

In a small frying pan, roast

1 clay pigeon

until lightly salted.

To the yogurt mixture, add

2 cups confetti (mixed colors)

Stir gently while admiring the clay pigeon; then toss the mixture over the head of a passing prothonotary. When he pursues you, run like the wind. To this program of vigorous exercise Dr. Boli attributes all his much-remarked youth and vitality.


  1. Alan Kellogg says:

    Dr. Boli’s remarkably youthful mentality is another matter entirely.

  2. An Aging Hollywood Starlet who Wishes to Remain Anonymous says:

    Dear Dr Boli,

    Your Age-Defying Elixir calls for old-fashioned oatmeal. My local Whole Foods store only stocks organic steel-cut oats. Can I substitute them for Quaker Old-Fashioned oats?


    An Aging Hollywood Starlet who Wishes to Remain Anonymous

  3. Sean says:

    Dear sir, I can only assume that the vigor evinced by your lately increased tempo of publication is the result of Allegheny County having elected a second Prothonotary which has allowed you to double your daily exercise. I, along with all of your avid readers, ask only that you be careful not to engage in this activity so often that you begin to age in reverse!

  1. […] DR. BOLI’S AGE-DEFYING ELIXIR. « Dr. Boli’s Celebrated Magazine.. […]

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