THE VAST INTERNATIONAL Conspiracy to Depopulate the Earth is soliciting proposals from all members.

For years we have attempted to kill off a large part of the world’s population by the most devious and sophisticated means. We have poisoned them with so-called “vaccines.” We have dumped noxious fluoride in their water supply. We have even attempted mass aerial poisonings with chemtrails.

And what has been the result? In spite of all the billions of dollars and incalculable man-hours we have poured into our conspiracy, human life-spans continue to grow longer. Not only have we failed to depopulate the earth, but we are forced to consider the possibility that we have had the opposite effect. It almost seems as though our aggressive programs of vaccination and fluoridation have improved public health!

Frankly, we’re getting a bit desperate here. Right now, we’d be getting better results just by whacking random people on the head with sticks. So, please, if you have any appropriately fiendish ideas, publish them in the usual academic journals, veiling them of course in the usual jargon. The usual lavish rewards will be forthcoming.