Dear Dr. Boli: I recently inherited $750,000 from a Nigerian prince to whom I was not aware that I was related. In fact, I was not even aware that Nigeria had a royal family, and I feel a little bit ashamed of my ignorance. What would you recommend as a good recession-proof investment? —Sincerely, A Proud Second-Generation Ruthenian Immigrant.

Dear Sir or Madam: There are many so-called experts who would advise you to invest in mutual funds or bonds or some such rubbish, but Dr. Boli would suggest that you ignore their advice unless you want to come across as a complete naif. Instead, you should ask yourself a simple question: What is it that Americans simply cannot do without? Find that one thing, and you have found your surefire investment. And, when the question is posed in those terms, it is clear that the answer is hair-care products. Since the days of macassar oil, Americans have been more willing to go without food than without hair-care products. Even in times of prosperity, many Americans put more nutrition into their hair than into their stomachs. Hair-care products and a warehouse in which to store them: that is the investment Dr. Boli would recommend.


  1. Greybeard says:

    For a sure fire investment, add in a homonym. There is no better way for your broker to assist you in your path to being broker than to invest in a Hare Brained Hair Care product.

  2. Clay Potts says:

    Dear Dr. Boli,

    I have been reading, G. K. Chesterton’s, “The Innocence of Father Brown”, and it occurred to me, the once “reformed great criminal/converted private detective”, never actually solves any of the crimes – instead, Fr. Brown solves every crime – (no great observation or thesis material, I admit)…

    If the two great literary characters, Galahad Bousted and Flambeau were to ever meet in a novel way, what a great mystery they could tell – Perhaps it would be titled, “Fr. Brown and the Crime that Could be Neither Committed nor Solved”?

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