IN THE NEWS.

The sewage backup that paralyzed the Pentagon for three days has finally been traced to a rest room in the hall next to the office of the Secretary of the Air Force. Military plumbing specialists reported that someone had attempted to flush 2.4 billion dollars down the toilet in the third stall from the left. President Obama is reported to have spent half an hour this morning with the outgoing Acting Secretary, who emerged from the Oval Office with visible facial bruises and described the meeting as “productive.”

Comments

  1. Martin the Mess says:

    I didn’t realize the Chaplain Corps was that expensive to run.

  2. Clay Potts says:

    President Obama, in a 2012 handwritten, double-spaced typed cursive post-dated prepared statement, read aloud by Mrs. Obama’s spoke-person and signed aloud by her schizophrenic dog walker, stated that he, (the President), knew none of the details leading up to or behind the sewage back-up at the Pentagon, beyond the secretary’s urgent 3 am call to the White House Situation Room to request an emergency visit by the White House Plumbers. However, while he knew nothing of it, he was surprised to hear “a clog hadn’t occurred sooner with all the “Big Sh#@s over there!” The President assured the American people the White House has not employed it’s own plumbers since the Nixon Administration. Furthermore, he refused to comment on the Secretaries acting, except only to state it was of no personal interest or concern to him what the secretary does on his own time, so long as it was after hours and not on government property or in Ford’s Theatre.

  3. C. Simon says:

    In related news (this is from the Onion a few years ago), NASA launched twenty billion dollars into outer space to test the effects of zero gravity on one-dollar bills. “If the test succeeds,” an official was quoted as saying, “we will request four hundred billion to repeat the experiment on twenties.”

  4. Martin the Mess says:

    My favorite was clearly “Really, Reginald, she can’t be the only girl who has decided to wait until the Pirates win the pennant!”

    If only because it was a brilliant call-back to one of the best recent editions in this brilliant on-going series.

  5. Martin the Mess says:

    Not sure how that ended up on the wrong article. Clearly, that was meant to be on the winner announcement of the recent caption contest.

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