Sir: Owing to some embarrassing misunderstandings, it has become necessary for us, the members of Citizens Against Poverty, to explain our organization’s purpose and goals. Misinterpreting the name, some people have conceived the notion that we intend to fight poverty by making everyone uniformly prosperous. If we indeed held such a risible notion, we should deserve all the derision they could heap on us. Even if we lived in a science-fiction socialist utopia, it would still not be possible to make truly uniform prosperity a reality. Instead, it is our purpose to address the problem of poverty in a much more practical-minded and feasible manner by killing all the poor people. Some may call our program cruel, but a thinking citizen will see that it is in fact the opposite of cruelty to put the miserable out of their misery—to remove them from a world that has demonstrated that it has no use for them in the most concrete and unambiguous fashion possible: namely, by making them poor. If there are among your readers any forward-thinking, compassionate, and above all rich citizens who would like to see an end to poverty in our lifetime, they are earnestly invited to submit a membership application with signed credit report to our secretary, Mr. Grenville Handel-Barre, in care of Citizens Against Poverty, Fox Chapel. —Sincerely, Astoria Handel-Barre, President, Citizens Against Poverty.